seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
