moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just gift wrapped bread.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
