The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
