No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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