No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
