I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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