Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
