so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
