Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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