i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
