You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
