Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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