I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
