My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
