in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
