Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
