it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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