we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
