my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize