Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
