Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
