dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
