Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize