If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
