I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
