i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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