Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
