Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
