But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
