Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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