i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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