So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
