so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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