so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How does one acquire holy water?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
