Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
