After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
