im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
