woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just found a bag of teeth...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
