epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
