Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
