dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize