he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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