well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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