Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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