Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Plan B is the new Plan A
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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