wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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