I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he thought i was a dude.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
