My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize