I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I love you. Go after that dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
