She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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