I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
