you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
