K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
