Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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