man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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