Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
