so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You are the jesus of drinking
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
