I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
