I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Still dying that you shit outside
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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