My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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