A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
