apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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