Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are the jesus of drinking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
