I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
