drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if only i could text you this smell
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
