theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
