My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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