These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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