after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
