Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
