I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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