how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
