I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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